These butterflies aren’t your standard little creatures. Inside my tummy I can feel a swarm of them; they hit the walls of my core; they’re high on crack or some other hyperactive drug; they don’t flutter, they prod; I am trying not to suggest a gory image when I say they are keen to get out of my stomach.
I felt their presence most during final preparations. Last night, I had a moment where I realised that the culmination of all my efforts (well, I say that but really it’s about 65%… Still have more exams to achieve) would begin today, the fourth of December. My ‘panic’ was probably a little excessive telling from my mother’s seemingly unsympathetic reaction:
Stop it! You were fine on Sunday, what’s go into you?”
To which I replied:
Jesus, why can’t you help me calm down instead of arguing back?! You know I’m nervous and stressed!
Typical immature teenager moaning…
The task of assigning an outfit for each day of my stay eventually turned out to be rather fun. I fought my case on the jewellery section: mother gave in to my protests against wearing matching sets.
I tried on a few more suit jackets which my mother wears for work. One of them made me feel quite classy; others made me look like an chunky politician wannabe.
As we devoured plates of Chinese steamed buns, interview questions were being fired at me followed by some discussion on appropriate answers. I don’t know if I can take anymore interview advice unless I grow another head. I am glad I have time on the train to reflect by myself (and eat my spectacular lunch).
This journey also gives me the opportunity to ‘read up’ on my subject of course! What to read but the four volumes of the Leveson Inquiry that I recently purchased! Happy train days.
I am joking by the way
Though I bet someone else will have done that.
Back to the butterflies: they’re violent and very strong (hm, the image of muscly butterflies). But like everyone else around me, they are positive and encouraging – in their own little demented way.
Whatever happens, I’m looking forward to going to Oxford, experiencing the interview process, meet the Dons and remembering it forever. Contrary to previous educational trips, there is no fixed itinerary for this visit. Where am I going and when?! I believe this to be a genuine adventure game, where one encounters demons and other foreign obstacles. Nothing to worry about, for I have a fine sword and mighty shield.
(What on earth did I just write.)
I really wish I was able to bring my violin with me but it’d make travel too cumbersome. Playing calm scales without disturbing others is very unlikely. I guess I will have to put up with writing or even blogging to put my mind at ease. Or I could even talk to other people! What a genuinely human idea… To blog each night or at the end of the trip? Can’t decide at the moment. My mind is too scatty.
In that case, now I will have my lunch.