Last week, I felt really proud of myself because I did many things.
- First Pilates class, courtesy of the Law School, with many more to come.
- I started part-time work at the National Youth Orchestra (yes, I know what you’re thinking; will I ever stop talking about them?)
- A moot.
- I cycled to the Royal Academy of Arts and saw the Anselm Kiefer exhibition, which, by the way, is mind-blowing.
Then I realised – surprise, surprise – that these activities added nothing to my actual degree and I was behind on my course. I was exhausted too, mentally numb and emotionally drained. I had a minor breakdown.
I gave myself some legal therapy (LOL) and did some Property Law reading on Sunday for a class next day, which, to my horror, an hour before my seminar, could and should have been left until the following Monday, because it was actually a Trusts seminar I should have prepared…
…I then picked up my MacBook from the repair shop, having paid a ridiculous £42 to get it checked. IT WASN’T CONNECTING TO ANY WIFI ANYWHERE ANY PLACE ANY TIME – acting like a naughty two-year old with a short-attention span, the ultimate frustration for someone who has to use Adobe Dreamweaver and the ‘Command-Shift-I’ function, available only on a Mac. Then to discover that the WiFi card had not in fact suffered any damage at all?! I waited almost a month, couldn’t they have checked it earlier…
Yes, upon receipt I checked that it worked, and of course it connected, in front of the techies. Ha, ha, so funny little MacBook Air. I won’t accept that attitude…
It is that time of the year when things are just not going great.
The weather’s not great.
You can’t get up in the morning because it’s oppressively dark and cold.
People are bloody panicking about applications, Vac Schemes and not knowing what commercial awareness is.
The laundry basket is full.
You realise that you’re going deaf from playing the violin, yet your teacher tells you to,
PLAY LOUDER, for God’s sake. I’m sorry but I just can’t hear you; I have to look up to make sure you are actually still playing in the room.
STOP BEING A CONTROL FREAK.
Your eyesight is deteriorating from reading and staring at words on a brightly lit screen.
You are losing out on sleep.
Time is running out.
You’re not sure what on earth you want to do with your life.
You talk to ecstatic friends but feel no ecstasy of your own.
You are brain-dead by the time you get to Thursday night orchestra rehearsals and cannot play a note right and feel as if you’re letting down the whole universe.
You just can’t understand anything in Law and Social Theory.
The pressure to pursue a ‘super-duper-professional-global-exciting’ career at an ‘internationally-renowned-commercial-practice-excellence-high-quality-major-deals-innovative-leading’ tall glass building, grows to an unmanageable density. There must be other adjectives living in the Oxford English dictionary that could be used…
At the moment my life feels like a Property Law module.
They say studying Property law is unlike, say Contract Law. There’s no linear, step-by-step process. It’s a ‘massive ball’ (or snake pit more like) into which you dive, swim and try to make sense of the surroundings. They say that the law will ‘click’ by April, one month before the exam, or even just 4 days before the exam.
Well, let’s hope my life clicks into focus before one month/four days before it’s all over.
N.B. The author of this post is okay. She is merely having a tiny-weeny departure from milling structured, rational thoughts in her mind.